Assalamu Alaikum my dear,

Marriage is one of the most defining relationships in our lives. It can be our greatest source of comfort or our deepest challenge. It has the power to heal or to hurt, to uplift or to drain. And yet, few things shape our emotional well-being more than the bond we share with our spouse.

As you can recall, in the last Heart-to-Heart email, we spoke about improving our connection with Allah subuhanawut’ala through the Quran. Today, let’s talk about the connection that impacts every part of our lives—our marriage.

For some, marriage is a source of deep fulfillment, while for others, it can feel like an ongoing struggle. Studies show that relationship challenges rank among the top stressors worldwide, affecting not only our emotional well-being but also our productivity and even physical health.

But when Allah subuhanawut’ala describes the marriage relationship, He paints a different picture:

“They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:187)

Volumes have been written about this one ayah. Think about it—what does a garment do? A garment protects, beautifies, provides warmth, covers flaws, and fits perfectly around you. That is what Allah subuhanawut’ala intends for our marriages—a relationship that is a source of comfort, strength, and security, not one of turmoil and distress.

Yet, for many, marriage feels more like a battlefield than a sanctuary.

Very early on in my journey to help Muslims become their best selves, I realized something profound—if our closest relationships are not strong, everything else in life feels shaky.

This realization led me to one of my very first online endeavors over 14 years ago. I launched a website called Heavenly Link (which is no longer active) to help spouses build stronger marriages. I chose that name because I truly believe that our marriages are divinely destined. They are not just temporary unions for this world, but an eternal bond that, bi’idhnillah, continues in Jannah.

A peaceful life is deeply intertwined with a peaceful marriage. When our closest relationship is strong, it serves as the foundation for everything else in life. Without that stability, any success in other areas remains fragile, built on shaky ground.

I often picture marriage as an oasis inside a fortress—a place where you retreat after battling the struggles of the outside world. But imagine coming home, weary and drained, only to find that the battle continues within your own walls. Instead of refuge, you find resistance. Instead of rest, more exhaustion. How would you ever find the strength to keep going?

If our marriages become our safe space, they also become the ladder to success in this world and the next, bi’idhnillah. But if they turn into a battlefield, they become a constant drain, limiting our ability to thrive. You may achieve external success, but without peace in your closest relationship, can you truly feel fulfilled?

So, what can we do to make our marriages better?

This email isn’t about quick-fix solutions. Rather, it’s about rethinking our approach. If we want our marriages to be what Allah subuhanawut’ala describes, it has to start with us: Be the garment to our spouse! 

One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is waiting—waiting for the other person to change, to apologize, to take the first step. But the truth is, waiting only delays healing. The real change must start with us.

The moment we start blaming our spouse for everything, we lose. Why? Because no one has ever won in life by blaming others.

This doesn’t mean your spouse is without fault. It simply means that your greatest power lies in focusing on the one person you can truly change—yourself. You cannot control others, but you can control how you show up, how you respond, and how you cultivate love and harmony in your home.

So, ask yourself: What makes more sense—to work on what you can control, or to stress over what you can’t?

When challenges arise in our relationships, look inward before looking outward. One of my favorite stories from the Salaf as-Saaliheen is about a righteous man who, whenever he faced difficulties—whether his wife was being difficult or even his mule misbehaved—he would immediately ask himself: What sins of mine have brought this upon me?

Are we ready for such introspection?

I can’t promise that this mindset shift will instantly transform your marriage, but I can guarantee it will bring you closer to the solution you seek.

The key is simple: Be the garment first. Show up with kindness, patience, and sincerity—not because your spouse is perfect, but because you are striving to be the spouse that Allah subuhanawut’ala wants you to be.

And what better time to work on this than in Ramadan? With the Shayateen shackled, we have a rare opportunity to quiet the whispers of pride and ego. This is the perfect moment to set aside resentment, soften our hearts, and actively seek closeness with our spouse—while also turning to Allah subuhanawut’ala for His help in strengthening this sacred bond.

May Allah subuhanawut’ala bless our marriages with love, mercy, and tranquility, and may He make us a means of comfort and joy for our spouses.

With love and gratitude,
Rushdhi

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