Assalamu Alaikum, my dear,

As I write this, I find myself glancing at my bookshelves. It’s a habit of mine—to let my eyes wander across the rows of books I’ve collected over the years. And today, something caught my attention: over two dozen books on parenting. Yes, more than twenty!

I paused for a moment and smiled. These books say a lot about me, don’t they?

They reveal two things about me. First, I struggle—yes, struggle—to live up to my goal of being the “Dad of the Year” every year. Second, despite the struggle, I’m determined to keep trying. And isn’t that what parenting (and life) is all about—trying, falling short, and then trying again?

Parenting is hard. It’s humbling.

In my WELL framework—Worship, Energy, Love, and Legacy—Love is where I struggle the most. Worship? Energy? Legacy? If I put in the effort, stay disciplined, and keep myself accountable, I can make significant progress. But Love? That’s a whole different story.

Love isn’t just about me. It’s about others—my parents, my spouse, my children. And here’s the thing: they’re human. They’re not always easy to understand or align with. They have their own dreams, struggles, and emotions that don’t always sync with mine.

I can’t just discipline my way to being a great dad or husband. Love demands something else—patience, kindness, and, most importantly, the ability to catch the positive, even when it feels impossible.

This is where a beautiful hadith of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) comes to mind:

"The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family." (Sunan Ibn Majah 1977)

It’s easy to be kind and patient with a neighbor, a colleague, or a stranger—they don’t see my flaws. But my family? They know every side of me, including the sides I wish they didn’t.

This hadith always stops me in my tracks. Out of all the “best of you” hadiths, this is the only one where the Prophet (ﷺ) included himself as an example. It’s a reminder that how we treat our families—the ones who see every side of us—is the truest reflection of our character.

But let’s be honest—it’s not easy to always be our best with our family. Especially with kids.

I’ve had my moments. Moments where I’ve snapped, been impatient, or felt like I failed. And in those moments, I’ve realized something: the best way to change the dynamic is to shift the focus. That’s when “catch the positive” became my default.

It’s not about waiting for big, grand gestures to praise them. It’s about catching the small, everyday moments. When my kids behave kindly, I make sure to say, “Oh, I love how you helped me just now. Thank you!” When they smile, I remind them, “Hey, you look beautiful when you smile. I love your smiling face more than a grumpy one.” When they choose a modest outfit, I tell them, “Masha Allah, you look so beautiful.”

These aren’t rehearsed lines. They’re heartfelt. And over time, they’ve built a reservoir of positivity in our relationship, Alhamdulillah!

I learned something powerful through this process. If the positive interactions outweigh the negative ones—ideally, in a 5:1 ratio, as John Gottman’s research suggests—the relationship not only survives but thrives. That ratio isn’t just a number; it’s a mindset.

Most of us don’t realize it, but we’re quick to jump on misbehavior, and we often overlook the good. Imagine what would happen if we flipped that script. What if we actively looked for the positive in our children and celebrated it, no matter how small?

This brings me to a book I’ve been reflecting on recently: Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy. Her core message is this: your children are good inside. Even when they’re acting out, their essence is good. They’re navigating a complicated world with the tools they have. And as parents, our job is to guide them and help them build better tools, not tear them down.

This perspective helped me see my role in a new light. Instead of waiting for things to go wrong to react, I now strive to catch the good—consistently and intentionally.

In a world overflowing with negativity, our children don’t need more from us. They need us to be their safe haven, their source of hope and kindness. They are the most important amanah Allah subuhanawut’ala has entrusted to us.

So, let’s reflect. What are we catching? Is it the good? The bad? Or are we just letting moments pass unnoticed?

May Allah subuhanawut’ala guide us to see the good in our children, to nurture their hearts with love, and to build relationships that thrive on positivity. And may He make us among those who are “the best” to their families.

With love and gratitude,
Rushdhi

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