Episode 15: Part 1 – How To Transform Your Marriage From “Meh” To “Wow!”

Transcript

Assalamu Alaikum Warahmathullahi Wabarakathuhu, 

Welcome to the Best Versions Podcast, where I help you unlock your fullest potential to move from average to excellence in Worship, Energy, Love and Legacy.  

I’m your Host, Rushdhi Ismail. A computer engineer turned nutrition and life coach. I will use my experience of over 25 years in the personal and spiritual development field to provide you with practical tools to move from average to excellence, bi’idnillah

Alhamdulillah, I’m incredibly excited to meet you again in the 15th episode of the Best Versions podcast.

As you probably know by now, the goal of this podcast is to help you move from average to excellence in the most important areas of your life. 

I’ve systemised and streamlined the crucial areas of a Muslim in a simple framework, which I call WELL. WELL stands for worship, energy, love and legacy.

Worship is about your relationship with your Lord. How close you are to your Rabb defines your Ultimate success in the Aakhira. Are you working on improving your connection with your Rabb?

Energy is about your relationship with yourself. How you take care of your body, mind, and soul defines how much energy you’ve to achieve anything you want in your life. How is your energy level in your life?  

Then, love is about your relationship with your family. Your relationship with your family defines your persona. The Prophet ﷺ said, “the best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I’m the best to my family”. How is your relationship with your family?

And then legacy. Even a tree has a purpose in this world. So long as it exists in this world, it accomplishes its job well. What’s your purpose? How are you going to live a life that will help you leave an everlasting legacy?

You see, my WELL framework is about improving your “WELL-being” and helping you achieve success in this world and the Akhirah.

In episodes 13 and 14, I’ve been talking about two tools to improve your relationship with anyone around you.

Today, I’ve decided to continue the chat about improving your relationship with your spouse because that relationship is something extraordinary. 

Why do I say extraordinary? 

If you think about it, your marital relationship continues beyond this world. Your spouse will be your companion in paradise. You’ll insha Allah get to see your parents and children in Jannah, but you’ll be visiting them, not living with them. 

So our spouse in this world will also be our spouse in Jannah. 

In other words, Allah has given us our “heavenly spouse” already in this world. 

Or, to philosophise even deeper, you and I already enjoy a fraction of heaven on earth, Subhanallah! Have you ever thought of your marriage in that way? 

You and your spouse really are a match made in heaven. That’s why I call the marital relationship a “heavenly link”. 

Also, ponder over what Allah subuhanawuta’la says about this relationship in Surah Ar-Rum, in verse 31. 

And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.”

You can extract much wisdom from this Quranic Ayah. However, two simple questions for you to consider:  

  1. Do you provide comfort to your spouse? 
  2. Is your “compassion and mercy” getting stronger day by day or getting weaker? 

Honestly, ask yourself these questions frequently. 

My goal in this episode is to help you grow that compassion and mercy between you. 

That’s because your marital relationship can make or break your success.

Your marriage can be your gateway to paradise or hellfire. There is nothing in between.

If it is a beautiful marriage, it can be a means of increasing your energy, productivity and happiness in this life. And most importantly, it is also the means of salvation in the next world.

On the flip side, a broken marriage is one of the biggest stressors in your life, and it’s also the destroyer of your happiness and peace. And most importantly, a broken marriage will testify against you on the day of Judgement. 

We know from the authentic hadith that even two unrelated sheep will be brought forward on the day of Judgement for justice because a horned sheep irritated a hornless sheep. 

Then what about you and me? 

Allah subuhanawuta’la will certainly hold us accountable for every irritation we cause our spouses. So, don’t take this relationship so lightly. 

Work hard to be loving and fair towards your spouse because a blissful marriage is a blessing for you and everyone around you. However, a broken marriage is misery for you and the people around you. 

How many children are suffering because their parents are bickering? 

So, a broken marriage causes havoc not only in your relationship but also in every other area of your life.

That’s why I often mention that a broken marriage is like a big massive wall in your way. It’s a hurdle for all your happiness, achievement and success in both worlds. 

However, a happy married life is like a ladder. The ladder helps you climb over the hurdles you face in your life. No matter how big the hurdles or wall in front of you is, you know you have an incredibly helpful partner on your side who will be supporting you on your climb. 

In my coaching, I come across different people from many other parts of the world. However, there is one general theme I notice in them. Those having a happy marriage achieve their goals faster than those going through a difficult marriage.

Whether losing weight or becoming a better person, your relationship with your spouse predicts how fast and efficiently you will achieve any of your goals.

So if you are genuinely keen to move from average to excellence in your marriage, you need to work on it. 

So in today’s and next week’s episode, I would like to present ten tips to take any mediocre marriage to a “wow” marriage, bi’idnillah!

The ten tips I provide are based on Islamic teachings, the latest scientific research and things that I’ve implemented successfully in my own life. I also frequently teach the same advice to my circle of influence, alhamdulillah!

Ok, before we continue, here is a little disclaimer: I’m a nutrition and life coach, not a marriage therapist or relationship coach. I’m really passionate about helping others enjoy an incredibly satisfying marriage. However, I don’t do this as a professional service. 

So, if you need more help on this issue, turn to the books and resources I’ll share at the end of the next episode or find a qualified Muslim marriage therapist.

May Allah subuhanawuta’la enable all of us to enjoy our heavenly spouse. 

Ok, with that long intro, let’s get started with the very first tip.

Tip #1: Start by finding your “why”!

If you know me well, then you know that I always talk about the importance of having a purpose. If you want to change anything in life, the first step should be finding the purpose or your true “why.”

So that begs the question, why do you want to transform your marriage in the first place? What do you want to achieve with this transformation?

So ask yourself this simple question: “Why do I want to transform my marriage from “meh” to “wow!”?

It may sound simple, but knowing why you want to transform your marriage from mediocre to excellent is the first step towards a successful marriage.  

So ask yourself, “Why do I want to transform my marriage from “meh” to “wow!”?

That “why” question gives you that ultimate commitment and belief that you can achieve it. In fact, your “why” or your purpose is the driving force towards what you want to achieve.

So, the “why” question gives you that sense of what it means for you to achieve what you want to achieve.

Once you figure it out, your marriage itself will be a driving force towards all your success in both worlds, bi’idnillah

For me personally, a blissful marriage is the gateway towards happiness, peace and achievements. As I said before, it’s the ladder that takes me to new heights in all areas of my life.

I’m who I’m today because of the incredible support I get from my wife, Alhamdulillah

So ask yourself this “why” question.  

Why you do what you do is more important than how you do it because knowing your purpose will motivate you to make your marriage a great success.

I mean, if you aren’t willing to save your marriage and you aren’t truly committed to it, then nothing in the world is going to help you, right?

So, by finding your “why”, you are pretty much taking the first step towards progressing to a marriage that leaves you saying “wow!”! 

Tip #2: Utilise your best weapon – Du’a

With the right “why”, you know which direction to go.

Let’s now get the Divine Assistance to achieve that outcome because blissful marriage is a process. You constantly need to work on it to improve it. 

It’s not something you do once, and that’s it. Rather it’s a continuous process. And that requires help from Allah subuhanawuta’la.  

So use the power of du’a as often as you can. 

Allah subuhanawuta’ala says in the Qur’an:

“When my servants ask you concerning me, (tell them) I am indeed close (to them). I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calls on me.” (Al-Quran, 2:186)

It’s as if Allah subuhanawuta’la is giving you a blank cheque and asking you to ask for anything you want. 

And, of course, He promises that He’ll attend to it.

Subhanallah, who else is better to help you than your own Creator?!

If you are truly committed and ready to put in the work to make your marriage the most beautiful one, Allah’s help isn’t far from you.

So, beg Him because all matters are easy for Him, and all He has to say is “Kun“, and it is!

Allah subuhanawuta’ala even teaches us how to make du’a for a successful marriage. In Surah Furqan, verse number 74, Allah says: 

رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٲجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٍ۬ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” (Al-Quran, 25:74).

Honestly, this is one of my favourite du’as. It’s simple but has so many layers of meaning that are absolutely fascinating. 

In fact, this is the du’a that I ask everyone to memorise. 

Repeat this du’a as many times as you can during a day, and make sure you beg Allah subuhanawuta’la with all of your heart, believing that He will, indeed, respond.

It’s absolutely important to invest money, time and energy to improve your relationship with your spouse and then look forward to being with your spouse in paradise.

I heard a story about a person who divorced his wife on her deathbed. People around him were baffled, “Why are you doing something like this when she is on her deathbed?”

His answer is both funny and sad. He said, “I don’t want to live with her in Jannah because that wouldn’t be Jannah for me“. 

It’s funny but also very unfortunate. 

May Allah subuhanawuta’la save us from such misfortunes in our life. 

Now, instead of counting all the ten tips in one episode, I saved the next eight tips for the next episode. 

Why? 

I want you to work on these two foundational tips this week before discussing the other tips. 

So, keep asking yourself why you want to transform your marriage from “meh” to “wow!”. If possible, take a piece of paper and put that answer in writing. 

Don’t settle with the first answer. Ask repeatedly until you are satisfied with the answer. 

Then make sure you ask du’a for it—every single day. 

Once you establish this foundation, then you are ready to build your blissful marriage. 

Let’s talk about that next week, insha Allah. 

That’s all from me for today. 

If you want to read the transcript of this podcast, you can find it at https://bestversions.me/podcasts/15.

Thanks so very much for listening to my podcast. I sincerely pray that this episode helps you go from average to excellence in love. 

And please subscribe to my podcast, and share the podcast with your family and friends. I’m confident you can make a difference in others’ lives by sharing this information with them.

Until we meet in the next episode insha Allah next Friday, I pray that Allah subuhanawuta’la showers his choicest blessings on you and your family. 

And let me end the podcast with the greetings of Jannah, Asssalamu Alaikum Warahmathullahi Wabarakathuhu.